40 Days of Forgiveness

10 04 2012

At the beginning of Lent this year, I decided to journal each day about ways I have been forgiven.  Here is what God revealed to me over the next few weeks.

Day 1 – Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I woke up around 2:30 a.m. as Jason tried to call in bed with me to snuggle.  After I took him back to his room and crawled back into my bed, I asked God to reveal to me one thing He has forgiven me for.  His answer was immediate.

“All your sins.  Forever.”

Day 2 – Thursday, February 23, 2012

I asked God to reveal to me today one of my oldest, longest-standing sins for which I have been forgiven. 

“Every ugly word that has ever come out of your mouth.”

Day 3 – Friday, February 24, 2012

“Your impatience.”

A couple years ago, I read a book called If Grace Were True.  I disagreed with the main premise of the book, but I will always remember this one short statement by the author:  “Impatience is the absence of grace.”  That was a double-whammy for me.  Not only am I impatient, but I do not extend grace to those around me.

Day 4 – Saturday, February 25 2012

During a particularly intense team meeting with our home church group, this flaw was one of the main topics of the night.

“You do not show your husband the respect he deserves.”

Day 5 – Sunday, February 26, 2012

I was hyper-emotional on the morning after our team meeting dealing with how I disrespect my husband.  I regarded the night as a “spiritual ass-whooping.”  My friends who love and adore me rebuked and admonished me pretty severely, but with love. 

In a time of quiet and rest and stillness before the Lord on Sunday morning, he revealed to me:

“You do not accept rebuke well.  Yes, it is painful, but accept it with joy instead of trepidation.  I do not discipline those whom I do not love.”

Day 6 – Monday, February 27, 2012

“Pride.”

Day 7 – Tuesday, February 28, 2012

“You have a hard time seeing yourself as I see you—a daughter of the King, a princess, dearly loved and always beautiful to me.  You are most beautiful when you are broken and recognize your ugliness.”

Day 8 – Wednesday, February 29, 2012

“Your children are the most forgiving people in your life.  The will forgive you always, for anything, because they love you with such a pure, unburdened love.  This is but a small glimpse of the love and forgiveness I offer you.”

Day 9 – Thursday, March 1, 2012

“Internal road rage.  No, you don’t drive erratically.  You don’t speed.  You stop completely at stop signs at midnight.  You always use your turn signal.  You don’t talk on the phone or text while driving.  It’s not the outward things you do when you are behind the wheel of a moving vehicle that displease me.  It’s the all the ugliness going through your head.  You may not utter a curse anymore, but you certainly still think plenty of things that sadden me and blaspheme my name.  You must do better.”

Day 10 – Friday, March 2, 2012

“Holding grudges.  You have been forgiven.  You MUST forgive.  Your sins are so much more than those against whom you hold a grudge.  They may have wronged you, but you MUST let go.  I will deal with them as they need to be dealt with.  I will also deal with you as you need to be dealt with.  Rejoice in my love and forgiveness, but tremble at my discipline.  Never forget that I am sovereign and just and merciful in all I do.”

Day 11 – Saturday, March 3, 2012

“Little white lies.”

Sure, everyone tells little white lies many times each day:  “You look great!”  “I love your new hair color.”  “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your text.”  I certainly tell my share.  Some are told to simply be kind.  Some are told to save face.  Some are told because I’m lazy.  It’s those last two I need to work on.  Fess up and be honest.

Day 12 – Sunday, March 4, 2012

“You often take your frustrations and stress out on the innocent—your family.  Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.   Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Day 13:  Monday, March 5, 2012

“Worry.  Why worry about what is ahead of you?  Nothing in the future is guaranteed—good or bad.  Live in the moment and draw on Me for your next breath when you are overwhelmed.”

Day 14:  Tuesday, March 6, 2012

“Mis-aligned priorities.  Your work is not more important than your family.  And, it is most definitely not more important than Me.  Keep ME front and center always, and I promise you, I will not let you fall.”

Day 15:  Wednesday, March 7, 2012

“Complaining.  Really, Kelly?  You complain about your job?  Be thankful you have one, and you really do it enjoy it.  You complain about being busy?  Be thankful people view you as competent and valued and know you are a woman of your word.  Be thankful you lived a ridiculously blessed life.”

Day 16:  Thursday, March 8, 2012

“Your short temper.” 

In my pursuit of being more patient and willing to extend grace, I believe my temper will rear its ugly head less and less.  It’s all connected.

Day 17:  Friday, March 9, 2012

“Your unfair judgment of others.  I am the judge.  Ultimately, no one has to answer to you, only Me.  With the measure you use to judge others, that same measure will be used against you.”

Day 18:  Saturday, March 10, 2012

Many of the past items keep repeating themselves:  my impatience, my short temper, my foul language.  I am thankful for God’s continual forgiveness for each transgression . . . and there are many.

Day 19:  Sunday, March 11, 2012

“You always want to be in charge.”  My organization skills and goal-oriented personality are a great blessing and a great curse.  I do a lot because I am very good at what I do.  However, I get weary easily which leads to burnout which leads to bitterness.  I need to let go and let others step up.

Day 20:  Monday, March 12, 2012

“Name dropping.”  I admit it is pretty cool to have Aaron Carter lying at your feet in a Broadway musical, but do I have to broadcast it to feel special?

Day 21:  Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Once again, selfishness came to mind more than once.

Day 22:  Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Today was different, I was reminded of the many, many, many blessings God has given me.  That list would be just as long as the ways I have been forgiven.

Day 23:  Thursday, March 15, 2012

“When you fast, do not make it obvious as the hypocrites do.”  There was no need for me to let other people know I was fasting.  That was prideful.

Day 24:  Friday, March 16, 2012

“You did not greet your husband as you should have last night upon returning home from your trip to New York.  Yes, you were exhausted, but you should have done better.  You could have done better.  You desperately needed to do better.”

Day 25:  Saturday, March 17, 2012

“Bragging.  There is a time and a place to share about giving, but do not ever do so in an arrogant manner.”

Day 26:  Sunday, March 18, 2012

This one was super pitiful.  Church was running a little long today, and I was eager to get home and have lunch.  The pastor gave an alter call at the close of his message, which is not usual.  For one brief moment I thought, “please let no one come.”  As soon as that thought entered my mind, I was immediately rebuked.  “Is food more important than lost souls finding their way home?”

Day 27:  Monday, March 19, 2012

“Gluttony.  You really didn’t need that second, or third, piece of cake last night.”

Day 28:  Tuesday, March 20, 2012

“Withdrawing into yourself instead of practicing hospitality with strangers.”

Day 29:  Wednesday, March 21, 2012

“Not doing good when you are able.”

Day 30:  Thursday, March 22, 2012

“Answering your children with harshness.  Do not crush their sweet, innocent, sensitive spirits.”

Day 31:  Friday, March 23, 2012

“Letting others do your work when you are completely able.”

Day 32:  Saturday, March 24, 2012

“Gluttony.”  Again.  Cupcake Palooza did me in this time.  Cupcake Palooza is a yearly fundraiser for an amazing charity, Books From Birth, that provides one book each month for any child from ages newborn through five years old, in the state of Tennessee, FREE of charge.  The money certainly goes toward a very worthy cause; however, I really didn’t need 25 cupcakes.  Yes, 25 cupcakes.  And no, I didn’t eat them all at once.  But still . . . 25 cupcakes?

Day 33:  Sunday, March 25, 2012

“Laziness.”

Day 34:  Monday, March 26, 2012

“Your short temper, foul mouth and complete impatience when you experience bad traffic is deplorable.  Have you never done anything stupid behind the wheel of the car?  Your judgment of others will fall right back on you.”

Day 35:  Tuesday, March 27, 2012

“You show more disrespect to more people in more ways than you probably realize.  When your dental hygienist wants to talk about her dog, be kind and give her your attention.”

Day 36:  Wednesday, March 28, 2012

“Pushing your way on others till they feel there is no choice but to give in.”

Day 37:  Thursday, March 29, 2012

“Do not be a ‘Do as I Say, Not as I Do’ parent.  You must be a better role model.  Your habits, both positive and negative, will become their habits.”

Day 38:  Friday, March 30, 2012

“Selfishness.  Again.”  It’s amazing to me how many different ways selfishness manifests itself into every day life.  I’m tired.  I’m too busy.  I have this, this, and this already on my to do list.  Sometimes these are valid reasons, but many times they are excuses.

Day 39:  Saturday, March 31, 2012

“Why do you feel the need to come across as a Know-It-All?”

Day 40:  Sunday, April 1, 2012

“Jealousy.”

Day 41:  Monday, April 2, 2012

“Thinking you are better than others when in reality you have the same struggles and commit the same sins as those you judge.”

Day 42:  Tuesday, April 3, 2012

“What you see as annoyances in your day are blessings in disguise.  See them as opportunities, not irritations.”

Day 43:  Wednesday, April 4, 2012

“You worry about things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of life.  Your car will rust.  Your money will burn.  Rejoice in the LIFE I have given you.  Be at peace that I will take care of you.”

Day 44:  Thursday, April 5, 2012

“Don’t offer to pray for someone unless you are really going to do it.  Lip service is no service at all.”

Day 45:  Friday, April 6, 2012

“Letting others do for you what you should be doing for them.”

Day 46:  Saturday, April 7, 2012

“This Lenten season is coming to a close.  Don’t forget all that I have revealed to you.”

Day 47:  Sunday, April 8, 2012

“All your sins!  Forever!”

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