Psalm 151

17 01 2011

This weekend I was at a ladies retreat with some of my dearest friends.  Our task Saturday morning was to write a psalm that expressed where we were at that moment in time in our relationship with God.  Once I began, the words flowed unceasingly.

Praise the Lord, O my soul.
All that I am, all my inmost being, every fiber within me will praise you always.

You are my God, my Savior, my Lord, my Life, my Creator, my Perfector.
I trust in your will with a pure heart.
I long to live a life of goodness, peace and joy.
My heart’s desire is to be transformed into a woman after your own heart.

Why do I wrestle with my thoughts day and night?
Why do the talons ensnare my heart so fiercely?
Why must I fight with my oppressor every day?

I am tired of fighting.
The struggle has wearied my spirit.
My mind longs for rest.
My heart yearns for peace.

“Forgive me! Help me!”
Some days those are the only prayers my spirit can utter, but you always hear my cry.
You long to hear my pleas for forgiveness and help.

Despite the pit I am in, I see your Light ever-present before me.
I feel your love ever around me –
          in my family and the friends you have placed in my path.
I feel the prayers of your saints who cry out to you on my behalf.
I feel your arms steadying me on the path, holding me when my strength fails me.
I feel your Spirit embracing my soul when my own thoughts betray me and turn against you.
Amidst the brightening light of your love, my cares and sorrows fade.
Your comfort stills my heart and mind.

You call me beautiful when all I see within me is ugliness.
You call me beloved daughter, heir to your kingdom,
          even when I turn my back on you and follow the path of my tormentor.
Yet, you never give up.
You never let go.
You never stop loving me even when I break your heart.
Your infinite grace, unlimited patience, and immeasurable mercy astound me.
I cannot comprehend your extraordinary love for me.

I am blessed beyond anything I deserve.
You have given me precious treasures I can never repay.
You allow me to live in a land of plenty.
You have filled my life with abundance and wealth.
I need for nothing.
I want only to be known as a woman after your own heart.

I will wake in the mornings and give thanks that you have given me another breath,
          another day to live your goodness,
          another opportunity to pursue knowing your heart.
Help me to live out your heart’s desires,
         
and to make your truth my truth, O Lord my God.
I will rest each night in your unfailing, never-ending love.
I will ever praise you, my Savior and my God, most intimate lover of my soul.

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